All too often we create too much noise in our lives because we fear what the silence will tell us.
This past winter was a very quiet period of life. Some of that is life with young children. Yes, they provide plenty of noise, but the needs of young children cut us off from a lot of interaction with other adults. We are left alone with our thoughts...a lot.
Through this quiet period I nearly drove myself crazy with my own thoughts. I spent far longer than I needed pondering our way of life - should I continue to stay at home? Should we send our kids to preschool/school? Is all this simplicity really worth it? And on and on went the thoughts. At times I felt like I was questioning nearly everything I had once felt so certain about (aside from marrying my husband and deciding to have our children). And for me, that was a little scary.
But, finally my thoughts organized themselves. The clouds parted and the sun started to come out (literally - winter in the mountains is so dang grey and cloudy). I realized that all my questioning wasn't something to fear. By being quiet, questioning our lifestyle, and examining my reasoning, I was reaffirming why we make the choices we make. As I mentioned in a recent post, the kids don't require as much of my time and energy now. This new freedom was a little challenging to deal with at first. I felt like I needed a new project to occupy the space they have begun to give me - like some of my purpose was gone because they are becoming more independent. But the wonderful thing I've started to realize is my interests and passions are my own, but they help make this life work as well as it does.
And at the end of the day, there's not a single thing I would do differently than how we've been doing it. I will continue to stay at home with our kids. They will get a homeschool version of Waldorf Kindergarten for the next few years. And while I have professional interests of my own, I don't want to go to graduate school until they are much farther along in their journey of growing up. Their growing independence just means I have more time to read the books that I want to read, finish the projects I want to work on, and have a little more time and space to think.
This little family holds the key to my heart. And I am incredibly thankful for a renewed sense of how valuable my time with them is.