Thursday, February 21, 2013

Blessings

Blessings, luck...different people refer to the good things that fall into our lives in different ways.  I've wavered back and forth from time to time on which word I feel is "right".  But lately, I have to go with blessings...amazing gifts from something bigger than myself. 

A year ago I was trying to go against my lifelong desire to be a full-time stay-at-home mom and wife.  I was in graduate school, initially trying to go full-time, and working as a TA.  Life was not fun.  I am married to a man that takes providing for his family very seriously - he feels that is his duty for his family (and I love that about him).  But since he is a teacher, money was tight and rather than cutting back on the extras, I decided to make our situation "better" by going out and making money...and going back to school to make even more money in a few years.  It works for so many families, but it was not working for ours.  It was disrupting the harmony of our family life. 

Towards the end of the semester I had a long talk with a dear friend/mentor.  I don't remember her exact words, but she said something along the lines of I wasn't trusting my husband to provide for me in the ways he promised.  I was trying to take matters into my own hands, which was really only making matters worse in all other areas of life.  At the time I wasn't completely on board with the God part, but I could see my husband's desire to provide and how my attempts to change our situations were coming across as slightly insulting to him.

So, I very half-heartedly "finished" (there's a reason I put that in quotations) the semester and truly committed to being a stay-at-home mom.  Sure, I have dreams and hopes, but I don't really have any sort of career aspirations and quite honestly I can't recall ever really have strong ones for any extended period of time.  There are careers that don't sound as miserable as others.  But for me, I honestly believe my purpose in life right now is to be a mom.  That is what I was created to do.  I was blessed to marry a man that supports that "job" whole heartedly.  Making the financial sacrifices needed to allow me to stay at home are more than worth it to the both of us.

And what have I realized over the last few months?  This IS what I am called to do in life.  God has blessed us in every way through our commitment to our family over financial gain.  Whenever things start to get really tight and I start to worry, amazing things take place and our needs are more than met.  We've never missed a bill or had to go without food.  Everything we have ever needed has been provided.  I've been able to cut back on the time I spend making cakes and we're still able to cover all our expenses.  Whenever we try to write out a budget, the incoming money and outgoing expenses never add up.  On paper we shouldn't be able to make it month to month, but we always do.  There is always some extra gift or job or fund of some sort that blesses us. 

So, no, it can't be just luck.  There's too much chance in that.  It has to be blessings that keep pouring down on our sweet little family.  I have never in all my life felt more thankful for the life we are living and the blessings God is bestowing upon us.